1

Chicago Marathon training recap

img_0395It’s marathon time. I guess. Well, not I guess, actually. It is marathon time. Tomorrow. Oof.

For the most part, training went better than I had expected, but one part of marathoning that I’m really bad at is managing the nerves leading up to the race. I’ve be super stressed about it for the last two weeks. This is typical for me, but this time around it’s even worse.
I got a later start running consistently again after surgery than I hoped so my base wasn’t anywhere near where I wanted it to be by the time I started my training. I adjusted for this as much as I could with my plan and put together one of the least aggressive training plans I’ve ever done.
After a few weeks of training, though, my body started to really fall into sync. I was kicking ass on my runs and feeling pretty good. I run by effort rather than by trying to hit certain paces and it was turning out that my runs were overall much faster than I thought I could run at all effort levels.
As training progressed, my goal for the race started to move from “probably just want to be around 3:40” to BQ to “I don’t think 3:28 is impossible.” My training runs were faster than they have been for any marathon training cycle since Chicago 2012, which was before I transitioned. I was pleasantly surprised with that.

Not a lot of miles here at all :/

Not a lot of miles here at all, especially those weeks without long runs :/

I should make a clarification here, though. My mid-week runs were great. Even my longest, hardest runs during the week were beyond solid. By the end, I was crushing nine and ten milers at paces near my 5k PR. In fact, I had a 7-miler during a step back week that was a faster overall pace than my 5k PR and I felt fantastic doing it. Even my stupidly easy effort runs were quick despite some of the lowest heart rates I’ve since on runs since I started monitoring it.
What wasn’t consistently great were my long runs. Some were good. One was really good. Most were eh. And a couple were “god fucking dammit.” One of my 17-milers got split into two runs, a morning one and an afternoon one. And my 19-miler was cut at 11 because I was feeling terrible in every way and gave up. And my last long run, a 21-miler, didn’t happen at all.
Three weeks out from marathon day, I ran a half marathon. This was built into my training plan from the beginning. The race was on a 20-mile day and I ran 10k before it to cover most of the extra miles and then another mile after. The race went really well. I ran faster than I expected. Unfortunately, I also ran faster than planned and than I should have. I was sore afterwards, but I chalked it up to DOMS and then continued into my peak week of training without making adjustments to properly recover. I did my runs at an slightly easier effort, but I didn’t adjust my mileage or run as easy as I should have. By the end of the week I was still sore and started to have some pain on the outside of my right thigh. I massaged it a lot, but that seemed to only make matters worse. Come the Sunday following my race, I knew running a long run was going to be a bad idea. The pain had moved down along the length of my IT band from my hip down into my knee. I decided to take three days completely off. I wasn’t thrilled about losing a 21-miler, but avoiding injury is priority number one and I’d rather risk my time than risk my ability to run at all.
In addition to skipping a couple of runs, I also made an appointment with a sports physical therapist who is also a runner right away. I didn’t want to mess around. I got three appointments in with her where she mostly focused on massaging my very tight legs. With less than two weeks to go, there wasn’t time for much else. Just massage, foam rolling, and a few exercises to loosen things up. It definitely helped, but physical therapy isn’t magic.
Free beer at the expo. Photo stolen from Ellen's Snapchat.

Free beer at the expo. Photo stolen from Ellen’s Snapchat.

My runs during taper have been very easy effort, but my legs have been tired and garbagy. It’s really hard to feel out where they’re at right now. There is still some soreness in some spots, but the pain has mostly settled in behind the top couple inches of my IT band. This is the same place I had problems four years ago going into Chicago, but this is a bit more intense.
Ultimately, it feels okay enough to run on. I know it’s going to be uncomfortable during the race and recovery is going to be a bit harder and longer, but DNSing doesn’t feel like the necessary move here. I might just be being stubborn about it, but my physical therapist doesn’t seem too worried about it as far as my decision to run.
This does affect my goal a lot though. Missing that last long run after having a couple others not go well worries me for the last 10k of the race. My overall milage through training was lower than I normally do so I don’t have much confidence that my legs are ready for the distance.
I still haven’t fully decided exactly what my exact plan is for tomorrow yet. If I hadn’t developed this issue and had done my last long run, I’d be shooting for 3:30 as my A goal with a stretch of 3:27 or 3:28. Now I’m leaning more towards a 3:33 with 3:30 as my stretch, 3:37 as my B goal, and 3:40 as my C goal. This is still not fully decided though.
Boston 2018 is the day after my 35th birthday so I get an extra five minutes on my qualifying time. 3:40 will qualify me, but it’s looking like 3:37 is the slowest I can go to have a decent chance of actually getting in, based on the last few years.
I had thought about pulling back my goals a lot for this race and not actually racing it, but looking at how my race schedule is coming along for the spring (and with Dopey in January), it looks like this might be my last chance to make a BQ attempt before next fall. To be fair, a BQ attempt wasn’t really on the table when I started training. I didn’t think it’d be a reality at all, but my training makes me feel like a goal for a race any slower than BQ time would be selling myself short.
In the end, I hope to play it smart tomorrow and listen to my body. Not being injured is the most important thing so if my assessment is wrong, I need to be smart and stop. The key will be starting out slow and not taking off at the start like I always do no matter how hard I try not to. If I can have a slow start for the first couple of miles, I can feel things out and then hopefully stay stronger throughout the rest of the race. A lot of this race may be a play-by-ear situation.

6

Halfway to Chicago Marathon – training check-in

Eight weeks down. Eight weeks to go.

Training is flying by! It feels like I just started this training cycle, but here I am eight weeks in. That’s a good thing, it means things are going well and I’m not miserable or counting down the days until it’s over. I’m actually really enjoying it so far! If you recall back to eight weeks ago, I didn’t know what to expect from training. I was still building up and nowhere near where I wanted to be at the start of a new training cycle. I started off training easier than normal and put together a fairly non-aggressive training plan.

Weekly mileage total for the last eight weeks

Weekly mileage total for the last eight weeks. That big jump in miles halfway was something I was nervous about, but I needed it somewhere.

At the halfway point, that decision seems to be paying off, I’m running very well. I’m getting all my miles in and don’t feel like I’m struggling through much of them. Even when my legs feel tired, they don’t feel too tired. I’m able to push them. My mid-week runs are ticking off and I’ve gotten my body very used to 5:30am alarms for pre-work running. I’m getting out the door and destroying miles. My 10k – 8mi runs are going as well as they ever have for me. In fact, I’m putting down as good or better paces and splits than I have since I started transition. Even better, I’m getting faster. Last week, I threw down my fastest training mile in nearly four years at the end of an 8-miler. And I felt great doing it! I feel nowhere close to plateauing yet. And the best part is that I don’t typically really feel like I’m settled into training and hitting my stride until somewhere between week 8 and week 10; I’ve already been hitting my stride for a few weeks now.

I’m not doing any speedwork besides tempo runs, but I didn’t plan to this training cycle. My focus was mostly getting the miles in, staying healthy, and building and that’s what I’m doing. Unfortunately, I haven’t been getting any cross-training in. I’ve been wanting to start working a spin class into the mix, but I’m only just in the last 2-3 weeks feeling as though I might be ready to get my crotch back on a bike again after surgery—this took months longer than expected. Right now, I’m running six days a week and I’m still lacking the confidence to make any day a run + spin day so it may be a few more weeks still.

COME ON!!!!

COME ON!!!!

Where things aren’t going as well has been my long runs. I messed up my schedule and did 13.1 on my first week scheduled with 12 miles so I just went with it and ended up with three weeks at 13.1 miles (as opposed to two at 12 and one at 13.1). These were all tough. It was hot and humid out and hydration was a major issue for two of them. I ended up getting dehydrated and having to battle those symptoms, including bad nausea that kept forcing me to have to stop. The other 13.1-miler was plagued by some bad GI issues…which is pretty abnormal for me. Despite this, my paces were all right on point in the 8:40s and, besides the hydration and GI issues, comfortable.

This past weekend’s long run, a 15-miler, was a different story, though. Similar pace at 8:43, but very different feel. I felt strong, comfortable, and without any hydration issues. At the 85º, 83% humidity, and a heat index into the mid-90s by the time I finished at 9am, I expected hell. But I was smart about hydration early on and it made a difference.. I felt good the entire way, better than I have on any other long run in the last four or five weeks. Very encouraging!

In general, my body is responding well all around. Compared to my last couple of training cycles, my heart rate has been lower at most paces and the same efforts are yielding faster paces. I’m feeling good so far.

I don’t plan on making any adjustments for the second half of training. I’m going to stick with my plan and what I’m doing and see how that works out on race day. Every indication I have so far points to my suspicion and hope that surgery would pay off with my running performance. No longer having the side-effects of spironolactone (testosterone blocker) and now having (what I’m suspecting is) a higher testosterone level (I’m getting labs done soon to verify this) is making a huge difference. Why did that sentence have three parentheticals? Anyway, the only negative I’ve noticed so far is my potassium level may be something I have to actually start thinking about again. For three years, I didn’t have any cramping/charley horses in my legs on account of spironolactone being a potassium-sparing diuretic. Recently, I’ve had some minor post-run cramping, but so far it hasn’t been anything major. It’ll just be something to keep an eye on. Maybe throw a few extra avocados into my diet. You can never have too much avocado, right? Right.

So, that’s that so far. I still don’t have an official goal for Chicago yet, besides just having a good race. I do want to go for a PR, but given my relatively slow PR, the question seems to be less if I’ll PR, but by how much. And I don’t mean to sound like I think a 3:44 marathon is slow by any means. It’s not and it’s a PR I’m proud of. It’s just that I’ve had multiple training cycles now that have been on track for sub-3:30 and have yet to be able to execute a successful marathon. Anyway, I’m not going to lie, I’m eyeballing that 3:40 Boston qualification time for 2018—thanks Boston 2018 for being one day after I turn 35 and jump an age group! But I’m not setting anything officially just yet. Just going to see how the next few weeks go and play it all by ear.

How I watch the Olympics while at work

How I watch the Olympics while at work

And, of course, the women's 10,000

And, of course, the women’s 10,000

14

Motivation is tough, a running update

Accidental twinning with the wife for our run together

Accidental twinning with the wife for our run together

There are currently 54 days until the 2016 Walt Disney World Marathon Weekend and I couldn’t be more excited to take on the Dopey Challenge for the first time. I’ve done the Goofy Challenge, a half marathon and marathon on two consecutive days, three times, but Dopey ups the ante by also throwing a 5k and 10k into the mix.

For the second year in a row, I’ll be going into this weekend not really prepared for the races I’ll be lining up for. Much of this year has mirrored last year for me with running ups and downs, mostly downs from May on, so I certainly won’t be going into this race after crushing a few 60-mile weeks. If I’m lucky, I’ll get a couple 45-mile weeks in, but even that will need to be done carefully since I haven’t been running high-mileage since May.

Last year, the races went much better than expected and I had a lot of fun. Most of this was due to smart race-day strategy and not caring about time. I’m weary of expecting the same outcome this year, but I can be hopeful and use the time between now and then to put in as much work as I can.

I’m starting to get myself pulled back out of my latest-in-a-string-of-many ruts, but motivation is still tough. Yes, I love running itself, with or without races. My mental health needs it. Still, that’s rarely enough to just roll yourself out of bed at 5:30am for a pre-work run. That said, in the last couple weeks, I’ve been able to get my body back on track for the early wakeups and I’m back to pre-work 8-milers–one of my measures for how running is going. I’ve got a few strong weeks of running going now and I’m starting to feel great again.

But this is kind of where things get a little weird this time around.

Typically, I have a loose plan in my head for multiple races down the line. My upcoming race is first priority, but I always have an answer to “where will I go from there?” Things almost always change, but no race is ever the finish line, it’s just another mile marker. Even goal races and PRs are mile markers. They’re not an end goal, just a part of the journey. Qualifying for and running the Boston Marathon? More mile markers. I’ve got sooooo many plans and running goals for after that!

Normally, I’d have plans for where I go after this race for added motivation to keep up the hard work. Everything builds on top of what you’ve done and my next race or two should build upon training for this race. That’s typically the plan, before reality and life get in the way, at least.

The problem right now is there are no plans after Dopey. There can’t be plans. After this race, I’ll out from running for anywhere from six to sixteen weeks. No running at all. Nope. None. Insert puke emoji here. This period of time is going to be real rough for my mental…and physical health. Depending on where in that range I come back, I might be starting from basically zero. Even at the short end, I’ll have lost just about anything I do leading up to Dopey.

manhattan sunrise

I’ll miss the view on my morning runs while I’m out

While I have some hopes for what I’ll be able to do by the end of 2016, that’s all they are right now, hopes. I can’t plan anything because I don’t know how long I’ll be out. Will I be able to race a fall marathon? Will I be able to run a fall marathon at all? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’m basically going into a black hole.

Coming back to the present, this makes it hard to really push myself now for Dopey. This isn’t a foundation to build upon, it’s kind of just it. In the past couple of weeks, I’ve been able to get myself on track, but on those mornings when it’s really hard to get myself up to run, what will be the motivation? Even injury prevention is kind of moot at this point. Insert another puke emoji here.

Both last year and this year were rough for running, but I think I’ve got a bit of a handle on what caused that and I really believe I’ll come back super strong late next year, but there’s little I can do now to affect that and it’s kind of driving me nuts.

10

The decision to DNS a marathon

How I feel while writing this

How I feel while writing this

I haven’t really posted about it here yet, but my training for Grandma’s Marathon has completely fallen apart. I don’t know exactly what caused it, but it’s gotten really bad. When I say bad, I mean I’ve been heavily considering DNSing (did not start) the race for the last couple of weeks. Yeah, that kind of bad. I’m not injured, I’m just…my body hates me.

Rather than make you read this whole post to get to the important takeaway, I’ll just drop it right here. I have officially decided not to run Grandma’s Marathon in two weeks.

The last time I checked in with y’all here, it was halfway through training and things felt like a positive-leaning mixed bag. I had some good weeks, I had some bad weeks, but I was still hopeful to have a good race. I still felt like a 3:30 finish was possible, but I’d likely just go for sub-3:40 and use that as a jumping off point for the fall.

Unfortunately, since then, things have sort of nose-dived. Hard. Into a volcano. Filled with alligators…that can somehow survive the lava.

It started three weeks ago with my 19-mile long run. Two days before, I had skipped an 8-mile run to give my legs a little extra rest, but didn’t think anything of it. The 19-miler went reasonably well, that is, it felt like most long runs do. The only weird thing was my left calf felt a little tight from the start. It wasn’t too bad so I didn’t think much of it, but it stayed like that for the whole run. Because we had a wedding to attend two hours away that afternoon, I had gotten up very early to knock out my run and get ready. This didn’t leave me with any time to stretch it or ice or anything afterwards. By the time I was showered and ready to go, I could feel my calf didn’t feel right. It felt kind of like I had pulled something in there. Luckily, I was able to wear flats to the wedding, but it was outside with a lot of walking up and down hills and such to get to different parts of where the wedding was. Throughout the night, things didn’t get any better.

I took the next two days off, which involved missing one run and pushing one back a day. At first I wasn’t too worried, but the pain stuck around without getting much better. I ended up missing that whole week of running minus a four-mile trail run. I even missed my 20-mile long run that weekend.

I tried to get back into things the next week, but my body was exhausted as if I had been pushing myself hard. I had no energy and my legs felt about how they do 4-5 days after a marathon. I missed another long run. I tried to get out there to do it, but I stopped after four miles when I knew I wasn’t going to be able to go the distance. Since it was a Saturday, I figured I’d just give it another shot on Sunday, but when I went out there Sunday, everything hurt right away. Calves, quads, knees. It was really bizarre. Because I hadn’t been running, my legs should have at least been rested. It was the kind of pain that said “do not run through this! Stop now!” I listened.

This brings me up to this week. I’ve done one 4-mile run and it felt like garbage. Surprisingly, the very easy effort I gave turned out to be a pretty quick pace. Still, my legs felt awful. Again, it was that whole feeling like I just ran a marathon 4-5 days ago thing.

I really don’t get it, but that last run was the final thing to push me over the edge to a DNS. Could I finish a marathon right now? Probably. Could I still finish somewhere in the mid-3:40s? Probably. But what does that get me? What does running on a body that’s clearly telling me not to do for me? I’m risking actual injury by doing that. If I didn’t have the Chicago Marathon 16 weeks after Grandma’s, this might be a different story. I might just go for it and have fun. But Chicago can still be a good race for me. It’s where I scored my PR. Running Grandma’s does nothing but put more wear on my body when I could instead take the next couple weeks to recover myself and get ready for Chicago training.

If my marathon goal is to a BQ, running a marathon just to add another tick to my marathons-run total does nothing to help me. If I were in good shape, it could be a good tune-up and jumping off point, but that’s not the case. It can do nothing but push me further from my goal.

I’m super, super bummed about this and I’ve been pretty depressed because of it for the last couple weeks. Unfortunately, running is tied very closely to my emotional well-being. This works great when running is going well, but when it’s not…yikes.

The thing is, though, there will be other races. This isn’t the end of the world and I know I’m making the right decision.

The weird thing is since nothing is refundable, I’m still planning on getting on the plane and going out to Duluth in two weeks. I’ll hang out and cheer and just enjoy the scenery, I guess. Since everything is already paid for, it doesn’t cost me anything to go.

My real concern right now is I don’t know what really happened. I don’t know why my legs feel like a boy scout troop used my muscles to earn their knot tying badges. In reality, I don’t feel a ton different than I did this time a year ago. I see a lot of parallels between now and the last couple weeks of training before New Jersey Marathon and the months following. The warmer weather is definitely a contributing factor to both, but only a small piece of the puzzle.

A lot of me wants to just say I pushed myself too much, but I scaled back quite a bit from what I did for New Jersey and I still burned out. Maybe hormones have had more of an effect on my fitness than I thought and the minor tweaks to my marathon training aren’t enough. I tried adding cross-training. I was reasonably good about strength work. I started foam rolling daily. Maybe I need to completely rethink how I train. I really don’t know and that’s what upsets me the most. I don’t know what I to learn from this and how to prevent it from happening again. I had fallen back in love with running pretty damn hard in February, March, April, and early May and I was crushing a lot of runs. I know I still have it in me. I just need to figure out what I keep tripping over.

2

Grandma’s Marathon training update: week 8

Love the view on my regular running route!

Love the view on my regular running route!

Training for Grandma’s Marathon is half over already. It’s starting to feel like the race is like a freight train coming at me!

Training is going well overall, but I don’t know if I’m ever going to feel ready for this race. Even when I have an amazing run and hit mile splits I didn’t think I could hit, I still feel afraid I won’t be able to keep the pace I want for the race.

Two weeks ago, it felt like I couldn’t buy a sub-8:00 mile no matter how much I gave. Even the half marathon I ran that weekend was rough. But last week, I was busting out 7:30s on seven and nine mile runs like they were nothing. My 18-mile long run this past weekend was 7 seconds/mile under marathon PR pace. It’s just been a lot of ups and downs, it seems. It’s hard to get a good feel of where I’m at.

To be fair, I’m still only halfway through training and there are eight weeks to go until the race. That’s a lot of time to make improvements and I’ve done a lot over the last two months. I’ve absolutely been converted to a daily foam roller. It’s amazing the difference in how my legs feel in the morning when I foam roll the night before versus when I don’t.

The thing that’s keeping me completely sane is that I haven’t set a hard goal yet. I’m training as if I’m going for a 3:30 finish, but I’m still 50/50 between really going for it versus targeting 3:40 and making this race a step-off point for a fall BQ attempt. Literally just now as I was typing this, I got the email that I was selected for the Chicago Marathon this year so that’s a big consideration and gives me an idea of what my fall will look like. Plus, I’m also going to sign up for the Walt Disney World Dopey Challenge (5k + 10k + half marathon + marathon over four days) at noon today! Obviously, that won’t be any sort of a race for time, but it’s something to think about when I plan out my fall race schedule.

I'm in!

I’m in!

1

Grandma’s Marathon training: Weeks 1-4

I finally have a new profile pic on Twitter and Tumblr!

I finally have a new profile pic on Twitter and Tumblr!

Sheesh, I really don’t post here much anymore, do I? Work has been keeping me super busy, but I’m not actually complaining about that. I kind of like it.

So it’s now one quarter of the way through training for Grandma’s Marathon. I feel like training is flying by so far! I’ve converted fully to a morning runner during the week and an afternoon runner on the weekends. It’s been working out for me and I’ve somehow found the motivation to wake up at 5:30-5:45 every morning to run. I never thought that’d be a sentence I’d type!

For the most part, I feel like training is going pretty well. I’m finding I’m much stronger than I thought I was when I started and I’m running much faster with the same effort than I was even just a month ago. The only concern I’ve been having is my right knee and, well, actually my whole right leg. Starting a couple weeks ago, I began having some pain on the outside and inside of my knee, my calf has been tight, and my hip has been hurting kind of all around. When it first started, I took a couple days rest and focused on strengthening. It seemed to help and my runs last week were amazing. Then I woke up Friday and everything was feeling like crap again. Saturday and Sunday’s runs were okay and as I write this everything feels almost great. I really don’t know what to make of it. Mostly, it’s been just under the “I should probably not be running” threshold, but it’s close. I’ve been foam rolling and doing strength work every day and that’s definitely helping, but I feel like I’m flirting a little too much with injury lately.

Right now, my plan is to just pay close attention to it and be willing to let go if I need to. Until then, as long as the strength work and foam rolling is keeping it controlled, I’m going to keep to my plan.

Last week, I hit 40 miles which is my highest weekly mileage since the first week of July last year and I even went to two kick-ass spin classes! I’m pretty psyched about that. It was also three miles more than was scheduled which isn’t smart considering what I just was talking about, but I didn’t plan for it! On Saturday, the wife and I met Miranda and Jim for a little group run to meet Ruthie for a runner ice cream social. The route ended up being a lot longer than was described to me, but it was a fun run and the pace was easy so I didn’t complain. I guess that pre-emptively makes up for me skipping my run today to give my body a little extra sleep to get over this cold I woke up with yesterday.

Last Wednesday’s seven-miler ended up including my fastest 5k and 10k since transitioning which was especially impressive considering it was 12 hours after a great FlyWheel class where I was second on the Torq Board and PRed “total power.” I wasn’t even trying to run fast at first, it just sort of happened.

Despite all the weirdness in my right leg, this is how training has been overall. It’s been really encouraging for me. I’m already running faster than I thought I’d be by the end of training. We’ll see how the next twelve weeks go, but as long as I can keep the issues in my leg in check, I feel like I’ll be in good shape!

This was a foggy run! Usually, Manhattan is right there all staring you in the face.

This was a foggy run! Usually, Manhattan is right there all staring you in the face.

Starbucks, does ANYONE spell Amelia like this?

Starbucks, does ANYONE spell Amelia like this?

4

Treadmill, what?

If you’ve talked about running with me for more than six seconds, you likely know how I feel about the treadmill. Basically, fuck that noise. It’s boring and annoying and harder than outside and you have to actually go somewhere (yet never actually go anywhere) and yeah. It just sucks. It’s no fun and it takes away almost everything I love about running.

BUT! I’m not setting out to write another anti-dreadmill thing. There are tons of them out there already, I don’t think the world needs me to add another one to the mix. Instead, I want to take a few minutes and talk about how I’ve actually found a love for the treadmill. <insert stunned emoji here>

Last winter, I ran outside everyday through the worst winter I can remember in New Jersey. This winter wasn’t nearly as bad, but I just didn’t have it in me to fight the ice and snow on the ground–which seems to be worse in Jersey City than it ever was in Somerset. Plus, I wanted to be able to run after work without worrying about my safety. So when my wife saw a Groupon for a 30-day membership to New York Sports Clubs, I decided to jump on it. I wanted to get myself in gear for marathon training and I knew I wasn’t going to pull that off without sucking it up and treadmilling it some.

It’s been three weeks running on the treadmill 3-4 times a week with my weekend runs outside and it’s been surprisingly great. Though, I was really dreading it at first. It’s not like I don’t have tons of experience treadmill running–much of my early days running were spent on the ‘mill–so why would this be any different? I figured I’d just have to suck it up and suffer through it.

I haven’t been suffering though. Sure, the first mile or two have sucked on every run, but that’s not much different from outside for me. By mile three, I’m in the zone. I’m in my running happy place, completely lost in the joy of it all. While I don’t listen to music when I run outside, I did take the time to make a pretty awesome playlist for the treadmill, but by the midpoint of my run, I’m not even paying attention to it anymore.

I don’t know what exactly has changed, maybe it’s just because I know it’s temporary, but my attitude has been totally different about it over the last couple of weeks. I get out of bed rather easily at 5:45am (typically, this is a huge struggle for me) to head to the treadmill with no dread. Maybe it’s because I’ve given each run a specific purpose rather than just running at the same old pace for every run like I used to. Now, treadmill runs are more than just some number of miles. Some runs are recovery runs, some are intervals, some are tempo or progression. Each run has its job.

This morning marked the second Monday in a row that I’ve actually done a real recovery run. I have a bad habit of running these things way too fast and if either of these runs were outside, they would have been the same. My legs wanted to go hard and fast and, if I was outside, I would have let them go…or they would have gone without me even realizing. On the treadmill, I’ve been able to lock it down and keep that pace right where it needed to be.

It’s also helped that I’ve finally accepted the treadmill feels harder than outside. My pace will be slower on the treadmill and that’s TOTALLY OKAY! I used to worry about this. I used to worry about other people looking over at me and thinking I was slow (I KNOW…I know). I don’t care anymore. Maybe it’s because I’ve had to get over what strangers think of me anyway over the last couple years and that’s carried over? Who knows. Besides, they don’t know what my plan is. They don’t know how I race or what that run is supposed to be. And it doesn’t matter. I’m not there to compare to them. I’m there for me.

Also, they probably aren’t even paying attention to me.

In a weird way, I’m actually kind of sad my membership for the gym is ending next week. I’ve been enjoying it. If winter wasn’t on its way out, I’d likely keep it.

I don’t think I’ll go so far as to say I love the treadmill now, but I certainly don’t hate it anymore. It’s earned a place in my life.

2

Training update

NYC skyline with frozen Hudson River

The view from my run yesterday looks way colder than it actually was out

I haven’t done one of these in a long time, but seeing as how marathon training time is almost here, now seems like a good time to start again.

I guess I should also drop in here that I decided on a marathon for the “spring.” Grandma’s Marathon in Duluth, Minnesota on June 20!! Yay! I’m kind of excited for this. I haven’t trained for a marathon since this time last year and I think I’m ready for it again. I’m not going to harp on how rough my running was for most of last year, but things are feeling like they’re coming together now. Not to mention, I’m coming off an awesome weekend running the Goofy Challenge!

Training starts a week from today. I decided I’m going to drop back to the same plan I used for Richmond 2013 and Chicago 2012. That plan worked really well for me. Richmond was a very successful race and Chicago was pretty successful too, even though I didn’t hit my goal. I would love to go for it with the same plan I used for New Jersey last year, but I’m in no way running the kind of miles needed right now to jump into that. Plus, I’m not even sure how to fit those kind of miles into my schedule right now.

I don’t have a concrete goal for the race yet. For now, I’m just looking to PR, but I’ll check back in with my goal halfway through training and adjust accordingly. I would love it if I got myself back to a point where I could go for a BQ, but right now that feels really far away. We’ll see how it goes.

Two weeks ago, I squeezed in four runs and two spin classes with just one rest day. I totaled 21 miles. Not a a ton, but not bad with the two spin classes.

Last week, I ran five days, went snowboarding one day, and took a spin class. I hit 30.4 miles. The spin class and four of the miles where on the same day as part of my first ever double workout in one day! I was super proud of myself. I also felt really good all week. Tired, but less so than I expected. Yesterday’s run, in particular, was awesome. It was a ten-miler in Liberty State Park. The weather was perfect. 41º, very light wind, and sunny! But it was very wet out! Puddle city! All the ice and snow from Saturday was melting and leaving behind all kinds of slush and ice-cold puddles. I ended up stepping into a calf-deep puddle about 200 feet into my run and completely soaked my feet. Though, this is kind of the best thing that can happen in that situation. Once your feet are wet, you don’t have to worry about avoiding puddles anymore so I just had fun running right through them like a child. It was great!

This week, I’m planning pretty much the same thing, but the snowboarding is still up in the air. Once Monday hits, running is my number one focus and snowboarding will be done until next season so I’d like to go once more, but I’d also like to start training with fresher legs and be able to squeeze in two rest days this week. We’ll see how I feel later in the week, I guess.

mountain creek snowboarding

Snoooooow

On a side note about snowboarding this past weekend…it was a great day with awesome snow conditions. Unfortunately, it was partially ruined by being misgendered by my friend’s girlfriend. I had never met her before Saturday and hadn’t even seen my friend since before I transitioned. Throughout the day, she’s use male pronouns for me, but I wasn’t quite 100% sure I heard her correctly. Sometimes, things sound off, but you’re not sure enough to actually speak up and correct. I tend to give the benefit of the doubt in those situations rather than risk calling someone out for something they didn’t actually do. Eventually, on the bus ride home, I heard her clearly call me “him” to my friend. I corrected her and she apologized and then did it again a few minutes later!

It wasn’t malicious or anything like that, but given that she’d never met me before there was no excuse of “muscle memory.” Her misgendering me meant that’s how she actually seems me. And this was after we had conversations in which I clearly asserted myself as a woman in the way I talked about things. At one point, she even asked me “how do you go from having a full beard to being a woman?” I quipped back that I was always a woman and “a ton of lasers.”

This kind of thing is just super frustrating and it really makes my fears about using the gym seem so much more real. I’m either not seen as a woman or I’m not seen as a real woman.

Orale tacos

And tacos because why not?

7

I suck at running

IMG_0770Yes, it’s true. I suck at running. Don’t try to tell me otherwise because I won’t believe you. I’m not fishing for pity or anything. It’s just how I feel right now.

It wasn’t always this way. I didn’t always suck at running. I actually used to be quite good. As recently as April, I was running six days and sixty miles a week. I was on target for a 3:30 marathon. Go back a little further to before transition and I was on track to be a sub-3:00 marathoner by my next marathon. I was pretty proud of myself and loving every second of being a runner.

Then, I ran a horrible race in April and it’s been all downhill since. I had plans for two marathons this fall and dropped them both. I was on pace to easily break 2,000 miles this year. Now, I’m looking to fall just short of 1,500. These days, I’m happy to run three days a week and break twenty miles. I’m lacking motivation, energy, and excitement. I can’t get myself out of bed in the morning to run and I don’t feel safe running in the dark after work around here so my weekday runs are often skipped. By the time the weekend comes, I’m left making up for missed runs and I struggle through long runs. I’m miserable and not enjoying it.

My running slump has been going on since April. There have been a few weeks where things seemed like they were starting to pick up and I knocked out a some runs that felt amazing, but I can’t seem to hold on to any sort of consistency. I had been blaming most of this on my increased dosage of progesterone since the timing worked out really well and everything fit right in with the expected side-effects. But I stopped progesterone entirely (skipping even going back to my old dose) a few weeks ago and things have yet to perk back up.

It’s crazy to think that despite all of this, I’m still well beyond my yearly personal distance record and every mile I do manage just adds to that. And, I guess, that’s something, but I don’t care about that. I care about being able to run and race and push myself. I want to enjoy running again. I want to be motivated to push hard through training runs. There’s a reason why I typically mention being a marathon runner first in any bio I write for myself and I feel like I’m losing that. I’ve always been the kind of person who gets really into things for a little while and then has her interest fade. I do it with hobbies and interests and, often, friends too. I don’t want running to be another hobby and friend I forget about and leave behind. Running is important to me, more so than any other hobby I’ve ever had. Being a runner truly feels like me and a primary identity for myself.

At this point, I don’t know what else to try. I have the Goofy Challenge coming up soon, but I don’t see any way in which I can pull off a half marathon and a marathon on back-to-back days right now. I’m barely in any kind of shape to run a half marathon, let alone a marathon. Looking at the calendar, even a best case scenario is I’m just barely trained enough to run a very slow marathon and skip the half, but nothing about the last eight months has been the best case scenario.

I really don’t know what the right answer is at this point. I’ve been stubborn about taking a break, as many have suggested, but I think that might be the best option. Realistically, it probably makes the most sense to just take a break until the end of the year and start fresh for 2015. This means letting the spring marathon season go and waiting until next fall to tackle 26.2 again. If I were a more patient woman, this might be easier, but I’m not.

This also brings up the issue of Goofy that I just mentioned. It’s not a cheap race to skip out on, but the cost of a race doesn’t change reality. It won’t make me ready for it. It won’t make it enjoyable. Still, I’d really like to at least skip the half and do the marathon which probably isn’t the best choice and doesn’t really go along with the whole taking a break thing, but it’s at least a consolation prize I can accept. I can put a seventh marathon medal on my wall and know that I pushed through a shit eight months of running. But even that’s going to be really tough.

2014 has been a year of constantly letting go of goals and making concessions. I feel like I need some sort of a win, but at the same time it might be best to just accept it and start looking forward to making 2015 a better year. I want to do what’s best in the long run, what will avoid me getting to a point where I hate running and I resent myself (and my transition) for where I am with it now.

I love running, but I suck at it. I can deal with sucking at it, but I can’t deal with not enjoying it.

3

Training recap: October 13-26

Yeah, so I’m throwing two weeks of running in here since I didn’t post last week. I was hoping to really get back to things last week, but that didn’t quite happen.

I woke up sick last Sunday and ended up missing running in the first half the week because of that. And then Thursday and Friday were Hackday at work so I didn’t get to run because of that. My plan for the weekend was to make up as much as possible, but I was still feeling my cold enough on Saturday to cut a planned 12-miler down to just eight miles midway through. On Sunday, I got back out there for ten miles. I really had to fight through though. My legs were tired and asked me to stop around mile two and I was nauseous for the first half, but I refused to give up. I needed a running win for the week so I fought on. I got through and had a decent pace, so yay for that!

Two weeks ago, I managed to get up to 25 miles with four runs. I was feeling pretty good about that and thinking it was going to lead into last week being great, but NOPE!

We’ll see how this week goes, but Disney Wine and Dine is coming up next weekend so there’s that to be excited for. After that, I really need to get my shit together and get prepared for Goofy. At this point, best case scenario is that it’s just a tough weekend.

Anyway, that’s about all I’ve got for now, but here’s a pic of me sick in bed with Fry instead of running and going to work.

sick :(

sick 🙁